Day 1 – Cans, fire and ferry.

On Thursday June 3rd eight UCC paddlers began their epic journey to the Alps. Cars and Scoobs trailer were heaving with pots, boats, gear and one fantastic barbeque. We set off at 10am on Thursday for Roslare. Myself and Lee, the co drivers of the trip took on the first leg of the journey as far as the Ferry.

Half way to Roslare Scooby’s car went a ‘bit’ on fire, flames coming from the overloaded cigarette lighter. Boris car suffered an even worse fate while negotiating a speed bump at speed causing roof rack and boats to career across the tarmac. Back seat passenger’s aka backies Bucks and Fergal held the roof racks in place as team Pedo Patrol rolled onto the ferry.

Team university challenge (Luke, Scooby, Tom, Seamus) were waiting on the boat for team Pedo Patrol who were by then sporting 4 straw caps and many cans of carling

Within moments of camping ourselves in the bar we are told, “no eat” (everybody munching on Supervalu pastries) and “no cans” after our cans of carling were exposed.

Like outcasts we made our way to the outer deck.

Drinking on deck proved entertaining with an encounter with Ross the curious 1 year old. Many scornful looks from a number of elderly passengers didn’t stop the party.

The events of the evening got interesting upon the arrival of the “overly friendly couple” who lavished us with free booze. Bucks chatted up the wife while I argued with the husband. It was all great banter.

The night ended with myself and Fergal sleeping outside on deck, Bucks on various couches, Seamus awol, Lee, Scooby and Boris all in the reserved seats.

Day 2 – Traveling

After some surprisingly decent sleeps in various places we disembarqued the ship to begin our epic drive across France on our way to Italy. Our convoy lasted all of half a mile. Team university challenge was left in the dust of Pedo Patrol but due to a dodgy GPS ended up arriving within minutes of Team University challenge. The journey proved to be uneventful for university challenge apart from an exceptionally poor food from Flunch. I did however acquire a knife and fork courtesy of Flunch, a nice consolation after some terrible motorway dining. On board team Pedo Patrol things didn’t go so swimmingly. Former el Capatan Lee Morrissey had a stomach full of booze and it just didn’t want to remain where it was. Ordinarily this would not be an issue however traveling at 120kmp down a French motorway brings in the “Spray back” effect, the spray effect occurs from fast moving air causes liquid to return back into the car. What was later described as a thin mist of vomit covered the exterior and interior of the car. The rest of the journey was a collection of 4 hours driving stints discussing all manner of subjects ensuring tiredness was warded off.

We arrived in our campsite in Italy at 5am after leaving the ferry port at 10:30am the previous day.

Day 3 – Rivering

After a sleep in the car / grass in the car park we got up and pitched out tents. My tent and Fergal’s tents were pitched. We both hoped they would survive the holiday. (At least I did)

Once we got some food we collected Matt. He emerged from the train station clutching a bag held together with copious amounts of duct tape with a wide grin on his face.

The plan was to run the 11km stretch of the Lower Sesia but with the evening closing in fast we ran a short section of the middle Sesia by the campsite. It was a nice introduction into alpine paddling for myself. The more experienced members of the group paddled it first and then guided the rest of us down. It was a nice run with plenty of smallish holes. My plan was to shoot through it but ended up eddying out half way down finding out pretty quickly that my fitness wasn’t exactly high. Everybody made it down happy out with a few of the lads attempting some wiki wiki with creekers at the bottom hole.

The first night was a messy one, various concoctions were drank and great banter was had around the camp fire. Details of the night remain hazy. What does stick out was a particularly fiery game of switch.

Day 4

Today we ran the Lower Sesia an 11km section of bouncy class 3 rapids. The sun was beating down with the alpine scenery all around us. Lee and Scooby scouted most of the rapids with Luke taking the helm for a while. My scouting stint ended pretty quickly leading the group into one of the bigger features of the river blind. I ran the rapid after giving a few firm paddle hard signals.

The river mellowed somewhat after this until one tougher rapid, which had a hole, followed by a large cushion wave off a rock.

In the afternoon we scouted the Sorba slides and most of the group ran them. A series of fast slides follow one after another, three in total. Adrenaline was flowing long after the river.

Beers and food were consumed under the tarp in the evening as rain beat down on the campsite. It also became clear that team Pedo Patrol could be in for a damp night with their tent standing in a pool of water. Meanwhile my own tent was dry as a board J

Day 5

Today we did the run from Balma, a relatively continuous fast shallow run. I donned a wet suit a size too small, which proved to be a rather interesting look. Fergal ended up sitting out the run as he forgot his helmet. It was a nice run apart from some scrapey bits. For one of the more interesting rapids I found myself upside down. On the lead in to the rapid I found myself going left, I tried going left of the big f**k off rock but ended up ramping straight up onto it. It felt like 7 feet off the water but was probably more like 4. Going off the rock backwards I rolled up to find myself going down the next section backwards and wrecked tired. Again I capsized off a rock and rolled up …. Hairy enough. We ended up getting off before the get off marked on the guidebook after to Scooby found a clump of rebar at the get off.

In the afternoon we ran the section from Scopello to Piode. We got on at the wrong get on which resulted in running an interesting rapid blind.

Shortly afterwards some of us got off while 4 continued on and blasted down a slightly easier section.

The story of the evening involves heroism, dedication and abandonment. Bucks and I were dropped off at the ATM only to be abandoned by Boris. Bucks, barefoot had a harrowing walk back to the campsite in front of him. This was made worse by the prospect of every supermarket being closed …. No beer. As luck would have it through some interesting gestures and charades we managed to communicate with the lady in the café bar that we wanted some take out. We returned triumphant to the campsite with a ‘bag of cans’.

Day 6

Today we stepped it up and ran the section above the campsite. The first rapid was a short but intense scramble through a small boulder garden. The next section was easier but I ended up flipping, my first roll attempt failed but somehow I got upright on another attempt but without my paddles! (Think I just pushed off the ground with my hands) The next section was easy but rather disconcerting without paddles. I ended up swimming while Boris paddled down river after my boat. By the time I had negotiated the rocks on the bank to get to my boat I was exhausted and decided to walk off. The rest of the group portaged the siphon bridge and made it down a section of many drops and accompanying holes.

Later in the day we finally come by a gas canister for the BBQ, bombolla! Let the culinary genius commence.

Day 7

The stronger paddlers of the group ran the Lower Sermenza today as well as the top drop of the Egua. The top drop of the Egua was described by a nice park and huck but turned out to have a class 5 lead in. The tarp at this stage was proving to be a great asset with rain coming down on the valley. The campsite dog Argo, a rather smelly golden retriever had befriended bucks. Some say it was their similar hairstyles that drew them to each other. Today was my first day on cooking duty. Matt, Luke and I rustled up some mighty fine stew. Admittedly it did take bloody ages to cook on the barbeque gas ring. We finished off the day exchanging stories with NUIG around the campfire. Alberto the colourful campsite owner joined us for a spell providing us with great entertainment with his broken English and eccentric ways.

Day 8

There were some sore heads after the previous nights exploits. Scooby, Boris and Matt ran the Lower Sermenza again . Some of the group did the Middle Sesia in the afternoon. The handy get on at the campsite is the start of this nice grade 3 / 4. The final drop is steep with a decent hole and the bottom; you don’t want to hit this left!

For our final meal in Italy we splashed out and got pizza. Matt and Lee tackled some horsemeat which they gave a firm thumbs up.

Day 9

Another day of traveling was ahead of us as we woke up today. An interesting drive lay ahead of team Pedo Patrol. With Boris’s phone broken they had no means of navigation. With the additions of Matt Team University Challenge at this stage had 5 members in the car. By the time we had packed up it was mid afternoon. Both cars agree to meet up Portgruano to make a long awaited stop at Decathalon. True to form team Pedo Patrol sped off but still arrived much later at our destination of Portgruano. It turns out the ‘Force’ is no match for a SAT NAV!

We find out that Pedo Patrol’s tardiness is due to their diversion to find a Decathalon off the motorway. It took them an hour to rejoin the motorway!

Team University challenges’ journey is uneventful until we hit Bovec by which time the car’s breaks are smoking furiously. The first campsite we find is a little fancier than usual. Its seems to be near where Lee’s directions point us so we bust out the camping chairs and have a few beers. After a rather angry conversation with the campsite owner we discover we are at the wrong campsite. Soon afterwards we find Camp Toni, a much larger campsite full of like-minded paddlers. We’re not long there when we hear some activity in the corner of the campsite. Sure enough NUIG have set up camp here as well.

We set up the two tents before Team Pedo patrol arrive hours later. The AA road watch directions prove to be adequate if ones stays on track but once you go off track you’re on your own. Luckily a drunk Slovenian hoped into his car a guided them toward the correct road.

Day 10

We woke on day 10 to some of the most amazing scenery I’ve ever laid eyes on. Mountains on all sides surround the campsite with a river flowing adjacent with the clearest water you will ever see.

Before we got on a river we needed to get our river pass. We headed into town and bought our river passes and got some meat pastries, the best kind of pastries. Once we’re we head up the road from the campsite to find the get on for the Upper Soca. Some rafters warn us off saying nobody runs that section. We continue tentatively. Once we reach the river it seems particularly mellow. The fist few hundred meters are flat and shallow. Lee and Scooby scout each section. The river narrows in places with some small drops and rapids. Toward the end of the river we meet the gorge section. The river narrows with steep walls on either side. The entry is a small slide that is best hit slightly left of center. Next is a long slot with an eddie just before it. A fun bouncy ride through the slot is the last bit of action before the river widens after the gorge with some small wave trains. Lee is sure to find the correct get off after paddling on for miles on his previous trip to Slovenia.

Friday Session Ballad

Need to go paddling,

Need to go soon.

If I don't get my fix,

My head might go boom.

It's been a few weeks now,

More than I'd like.

I'd love an auld session,

Out on the dyke.

Under the bridge,

Avoid the swans,

Into the sluice,

Then trip to the Bons.

Nah, only joking,

Nothing like that.

Throw a few ends,

Or sit in the eddy having a chat.

One-ups-manship,

Is the name of the game.

No paddlespin?

Boy, you are lame!

Retain the feature,

No choice in the matter.

Smooth moves or beatings,

Prob'ly the latter.

Then we'll head up,

What have we here?

Give it a side surf,

Then faceplant the weir.

Lennox's calling,

Post-session feed,

Chips, cheese and garlic,

Fulfilling my greed.

Then over to Cissies,

One pint or two...

Sure while we're at it,

We might have a few.

Typical Friday,

That's how it is.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'll go for a whizz.

Varsities Feb 9^th to 12^th Dublin/Wicklow (3 or 4 yrs ago…)The annual Intervarsities took place in Dublin, and were hosted by Trinity. Polo was due to start early on the Friday Morning and so Gunther decided that the club would travel up on the Thursday night so we wouldn’t have to get up early on the Friday. Later Trinity changed the Polo to 7pm on the Friday but UCC’s plan didn’t change. An extra night away always sounds good! 

Thursday 3pm

The club arranges to meet in Cissies at 3pm. The floor of the pub yet again, like Jacks weekend, is littered with bags, suitcases, and canoe gear. Tucked into the “clubs” corner at the back everyone is animated and trying to find out what people are dressing up as for the fancy dress on the Saturday night.

Gunther and Mags are doing the drinks run in Tesco. These drinks will cover the bus journey & jungle juice for Saturday night.

At 5pm “Stormin Norman” the bus driver appears and with a cheer and a rush for the loo 19 happy paddlers jump onto the bus. Everyone sits as close to the back as possible. The club oldies will travel up tomorrow after they’ve finished work so the 19 on the bus tuck into all sorts of junk and drinks of wine and Dutch Gold, while trying to conceal the fact that they are drinking, as Norman has banned drink on the bus for the 5^th year in a row, to no avail.

A sing-song starts immediately with random songs being sung with massive enthusiasm. Rattling Bog, Kenya, Where is Shadow (thanks to Willy), Bohemian Rhapsody.. etc. The bus has to stop 4 times for members to raid local town’s fast-food restaurants for their toilets. Throughout the journey pictures are constantly being taken for people sensible enough to take digitals, and no-one is too shy to hop into any photo being taken. As we continue up the country about 12 people now are attempting to sit on the back row and it is clear that most people are worse for wear (We almost lose Johnny Jobs as he ends up at the bottom of a pile on and turns a nice shade of blue). An imitation bottle of Malibu has been shared among those at the back and is polished off within minutes…straight from the bottle, mostly by Askea, Heather and Mags. Gunther has brought a guitar and takes it out from its hiding place at the front. Everyone crowds around him in the middle of the bus, 4 people to a seat. A list of demands for popular songs is shouted at Gunther and so he keeps us all entertained for hours.

Hours later, with two new members in particularly bad states (Boris has fallen between two seats and can’t free himself) we reach our destination in Laaragh in Co Wicklow, quite literally in the middle of nowhere. Norman is staying in a B&B above where the club are staying. We have been given 5 cottages, side by side, with 3 bedrooms in each, one en-suit (Lemon and Askea nab this). The canoe club is not used to this luxury.

5 of the girls gather together and point out that if we stick together we’ll have a better chance of staying in a warm house, with food, and possibly avoid hosting the bigger parties. Running for the 1^st house with as much bags and drink possible the girls make it into the 1^st cottage laughing. “It’s the 1^st time we’ve had a girly house!” Mags sniggers as we reach the cottage un-noticed. Unfortunately 2 girls are left behind in the dash, and miss out on the “Girly House”. From years of experience the wised up girls know that having their own house is something that will probably never happen again. The two left behind quickly run to another house in the hope of a “girly room”. Meanwhile the party house is quickly established as the last cottage, and so everyone immediately gathers there, with drinks in hand. Daithi and Jane have arrived, with the trailer full of boats, and so by 11.30pm the party is well under way. It’s all fairly civilised, everyone sits in a circle and sings more songs. People drift off to bed at 3am hoping for an early night after the long journey. In the girly house it is noticed that our key has gone missing and so we can’t lock our house for the night. Highly suspicious we head for bed anyway.

At 5am I wake up, hearing evil laughter and loud "SSSSSH’s", I’m sharing a room with Mary, and when I glance over I see two black silhouettes in the room. One has a head torch on his head that has a red light flashing on and off, which fills the room with an eerie glow. Mary is literally unconscious after a good night of drinking and their aim to frighten her is not working. One visitor decides to lift her mattress off the bed to wake her up, Mary slides off the mattress still asleep. Next her blanket is ripped off the bed. Again Mary still does not move and so with fits of laughter the two figures disappear into the night, Mary’s blanket in tow. As I follow them out into the hall to recover Mary’s blanket, Heather runs out of her room to see what all the commotion is. The two lads are long gone so covering Mary up, I return to bed. The girlie house key remains “missing” for the rest of the weekend…

Friday

At ten the next morning I’m woken up by a gathering of all the canoe club girls, including our stranded friends (living in the party house). We decide to wake up all the boys in every house for revenge for Mary, who hasn’t a clue what happened during the night. Revenge completed, it was Tommy and Gunther who visited, we return to the house for breakfast. Daithi offers to drive Heather to the shop to get food for a fry, I’m especially delighted as I’ve been roaring for someone to feed me for thirty minutes now…. 10mins later they return and the girls start cooking a feast. One by one the smell attracts all the boys and soon we are cooking for an army of 21 in our little kitchen.

“Having a girly house has its drawbacks!” Heather admits as the last sausages are cooking and being eyed up by hungry paddlers.

With nothing to do till polo that night the white-water team decide to run Jackons, the drop in the race they face on Saturday. As Jackson’s is only meters from our cottages we all follow down to support the team of 4 paddlers. There’s a group of paddlers on the river already. A few paddlers take a swim down the drop, but it’s all fairly routine as no-one gets stuck in an eddy so the rescue team at the bottom gets people off the water quickly. One non UCC paddler suggests jumping off the cliff thingy that we’re standing on. There is a quick discussion about rocks and diving technique and one lad offers himself up for the first jump. Some people try telling him not to as it may be too shallow or rocky but he goes ahead anyway. Everyone rushes to the edge to see if he’s ok and within seconds he emerges from the water with a thumb in the air to signify that he’s fine. With the guinea pig safe, all the other lads start jumping too but only Tommy jumps from our gang. Entertainment over for the moment we head back through the boggy fields to our cottages. The rest of the day is spent scrounging for food in other people’s houses and gathering in the sitting rooms to enjoy the heat of the fires in the houses where the fires are lit. At 5 o clock everyone gathers again on the bus to head to the first match of the Varsities. Its polo and everyone is excited and anxious that UCC will do well, after all the training that has been done, people want to get into a decent round this year, as for 2 years in a row UCC has been knocked out in the 1^st round. Boris, a fresher, continuously shouts that we have to beat UL this year and calls them every name under the sun throughout the journey. Unfortunately we hit Dublin rush hour traffic at 6 and at 7 we are still on the M50 and people are getting stressed. Gunther and Daithi sit at the top of the bus with Norman trying to get off the motorway and take a shortcut to the pool the match is on. We eventually come to a junction but the lights remain red for us for what seems like hours, and time is not on our side. Gunther hops out of the bus and presses the pedestrian lights so the green man will give us a chance to drive onto the road. The second he presses it the green man comes on, the cars stop and with deafening cheers Norman speeds out on the road and all the other cars are greeted by a bus of waving and cheering lunatics pressed against the windows.

Speeding along we eventually reach the pool and eagerly hop out and rush into the pool. We’re just in time, UCC is in the 3^rd match and so we all run up the stairs to get good spectators sits on the balcony.

The match commences 6 minutes a side, 5 on a side, 4 boys and the token girl per college. The first match is easily won by Trinity, and Ul win the second, much to the disgust of Boris. UCC proudly and a little anxiously walk out to much singing and shouting from the UCC spectators. As they wait at the side of the pool and official runs out and says something to the captain Gunther. He goes over to the team and says something, gives us spectators a wave and the team walk off again. There is much confusion up on the balcony and hanging over the side of the balcony people try to see what’s going on. Gunther appears beside us saying that UCC have been given a bi into the 2^nd round as Jordanstown haven’t turned up. Although this means we don’t have to play there is disappointment as now there is a 40min wait until UCC’s next match against UCD. A few of us hungry spectators take the opportunity to find a shop, and instead locate a McDonalds, and forget our health conscious views (Ha!), and tuck into warm food that’s not pasta for a change. Back at the pool UCC finally line up for their game, and in unison we all start chanting UCC UCC UCC UCC UCC as loud as possible while stamping our feet. None of the oldies have arrived yet and the club spectators at the moment consist of committee members and freshers. The cheers are deafening as goal after goal is scored from UCC members Boris and Daithi. Our goalie Grogan is fantastic, and saves goal after goal. Instantly “We love you Grogan” is sung at all levels of “harmony”, after each attempt to score is blocked by him. He later admits he was afraid to look up at us to thank us in case while doing so he missed a goal and embarrassed himself. Boris on the other hand has no such fear and cheers and throws his paddles in the air waving at us after every goal. UCD’s cheering squad has now admitted defeat to both our polo team and our cheering squad, and with a final result of 7-0 UCC are through to the 3^rd round!

The 3^rd round comes soon against NUIG. The match commences and within seconds UCC has a goal scored by Daithi, this is met with instant cants of “UCC UCC UCC” again. Our subs on the sideline join in with the chanting and for the entire 1^st half the chant continues. Later in the 2^nd half Daithi is given a green card for arguing with another player, the crowd doesn’t take it too seriously. Boris is fowled later by being capsized when he didn’t have he ball. A silent descends on the crowd as Boris concentrates on taking the shot. A few freshers are covering their eyes and biting their fingers, despite the fact that UCC are actually winning. Boris aims and shoots the ball, and without any dramatics .. scores. Again UCC goes mad and stamps their feet approvingly! The final result 7-1.UCC are into the semi-final against DCU.

However, worryingly there is no time for UCC to rest and they are told theirs is the next game after the current one. Exhausted they wait at the side and discuss in a huddle tactics. DCU are usually the winners of most polo games so UCC has every right to look anxious.

Once on the water, the spectators go mad again, singing and chanting while hanging dangerously over the balcony for a better view. After the initial score from our viewpoint we see that the score keepers haven’t put UCC’s goal on the score board. Everyone is indignant and shout to get their attention. Finally they look up, see their error and quickly change the score before chants of abuse are starting from the loudest college in the pool. It is now half ten and the players look worn out. DCU score two goals and UCC miss 4 shots. Now the confident chants have turned to urgent cries of encouragement. Willy is exchanged for Grogan, and leaves his goal to score a goal from the corner. UCC are elated, but the happiness is short lived. The two refs signal to disallow the goal as Willy took the shot from an illegal position. There is outrage amongst the crowd, with one fresher not realising the goal was disallowed shouting at the score keepers that they’ve “forgotten to put up our goal again”. Willy hands the ball over and the game continues, as the minutes turn to seconds UCC gets a little quieter, especially when DCU score again. 3…2…1… game over. Disappointed but proud of UCC’s accomplishment the spectators start the UCC chant again and drown out the cheers form DCU.

As we wait for the team to get changed everyone starts analyzing each game and no-one has anything but praise for the team who finally got UCC into a semi final. So 3^rd place for UCC is nothing to complain about. When the team meet us on the balcony they are met with even louder cheers. Daithi says that at one stage he was shouting things to the other players but no-one could hear him because of UCC’s chanting. We are jokingly accused of losing them the match. Without staying to see the final, much to some spectator’s disappointment seeing as we have been watching for hours and its 11pm Gunther shoos everyone back on the bus to try and grab the end of the 1^st night party. The journey on the bus is quicker without any traffic and everyone huddles in a group still talking about the matches and laughing at Boris who is almost devastated about not having the chance to play against UL. His obvious elation at coming 3^rd in his first match is contagious.

Back at Larragh in Wicklow, we have missed last call, but all the oldies are in the pub, having made it up to Wicklow at last, and so most people hop out of the bus to see what’s happening at the party, while some of the more tired players go back to our cottages which are only 700 meters down the road. Our location is being kept a secret from the other colleges because we don’t want everyone coming back to the cottages and thrashing them, as has happened in the past.

A very drunk bunch of oldies are sprawled around the pub, trying to stand up straight and dance to no music (that would be you Rage!). We don’t stay long as the pub is closing so we walk back to the cottages. A game of tag rugby is started and continues for over an hour, with everyone playing. The teams battle on and forget the idea of “tag” and massive attacks are launched, illegal tackles and pile ons. The competitive side of people emerges and the battles continue, which each side making up new rules after every tackle (Anto being the main offender). After ending up at the bottom of another pile on, I hear Seanie Murph cheer “Mighty work” and “clap for Eilis, clap for Eilis” as she is scraped off the ground yet again. Everyone starts laughing at him as it was him who sent her flying in the first place. Eventually with no score being kept, or remembered, we lose the ball when it falls off the side of the hill our houses are, and into a thick hillside full of gorse bushes. The game comes to an unexpected end and sadly we go indoors to join the rest of the oldies who are having arm wrestling matches. The Rage is getting unmerciful teasing as he has lost every match so far, so Mary comes forward to challenge him and hilariously beats him, despite the fact he was leaning an elbow on his thigh under the table in an effort to cheat….

 (Report, not the weekend, ends here... )

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